The days of Covid-19 can be dark and suffocating. Most days I’m doing a monotonous task and my mind starts racing and fear settles in. I’ve googled "Coronavirus Rhode Island" almost every day to see the number of cases and deaths and the latest rules for social distancing. I’ve read a lot of ideas about what to do with my time at home, the projects I can tackle, the schedule my kids should be on. I've been bombarded with information and have tried to limit social media because it has an effect on me.
One morning, I was feeding breakfast to my one-year-old and the song Under Pressure, by Queen and David Bowie came on. Immediately that word pressure stood out in my mind. I'm feeling it. Not only is there the pressure of not getting sick, spreading germs, or being anywhere within 6 ft of a person. There is pressure to stay busy and perform. Overnight, people have been forced to follow this new way of life, social distancing, distance learning, and working from home, fighting for groceries, and being afraid. Many people are out of work since all non-essential businesses are closed. And so many are on the frontlines not able to be home, with the pressure to perform amid a pandemic. I sat with my daughter telling her to SHHHH so I could hear the lyrics searching for an answer to all of this.
Pressure pushing down on me
pressing down on you no man ask for.
Under pressure that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets.
I listened on and I wanted to shout "watching some good friends screaming, let me out!" like I usually do. But those words hit me hard. Thinking of myself and friends, making the best of this situation, but most days I feel like screaming let me out, for real. The isolation takes a toll.
The song goes on and I hear, "These are the days it never rains but it pours." I thought, "wow, such truth." It's pouring every day with new guidelines, more businesses have to stay closed, more people out of jobs, and no end in sight. No answers to so many questions, that we may never have answers to. The pictures and stories in the news are heartbreaking, producing fear and anxiety.
As I listened on, my jaw dropped.
Why can’t we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can’t we give love one more chance?
Give love Give love Give Love Give love
Because loves such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night.
And love dares you to change
the way of caring about ourselves.
This is our last dance.
This is ourselves under pressure.
LOVE. The answer I was searching for. We can sit in the pressure and let our minds race, speak in a rude tone to our family, shout orders at our kids or we can give love.
We can let the pressure settle in, but it will take everything from us. It will allow the darkness to fill our hearts and build walls between our loved ones. That voice inside my head is strong right now telling me to stay quiet and that I’m not enough. But the answer is always going to be love. I am loved, You are loved, We are loved. And love will change the way we view ourselves and others. Love will change the way we think about a situation or someone else's. When I look back on the season of Covid-19, I want to remember the love.