My requirements for tea cups. The cup has to be huge, or it has to say something meaningful on it, or remind me of somewhere we went.
Drinking tea is pretty much the only time I get to slow down and think. Most days I don’t get to drink it or its lukewarm, or I forgot it in the microwave. But on the days I do, I find comfort in my tea time. I don’t always read the cup, most of the time I just grab one but on certain days, the one I grab is just the one I need.
There are times I feel down. I feel not enough. I feel inadequate. I feel worthless. It’s a horrible feeling and difficult to find my way out of.
On one of those days, the mommy monster was shouting at the top of her lungs for the 20th time. I could see the sadness in the kids eyes after the yelling. I could feel the shame blanket creeping over my eyes so that I couldn’t see the truth. I had this tone with my husband I couldn’t get rid of. All the lies consumed my mind and I wanted to run away.
I took my tea to my room to be alone for a few minutes and try and reset. But my mind wouldn’t stop. I closed my eyes and prayed for help, for peace, for anything. I don’t want to be her, that version of me that I hate so much, that I’m scared of.
I looked down at my tea cup and it said Best Wife Ever. And I thought to myself wait a minute, your mind has gone in a spiral. You went from yelling at the kids, which happens sometimes to throwing yourself under a bus. Beating yourself up. Saying things to yourself you would never say to anyone out loud.
This cup is the truth. You are the best wife ever. You are the best mom ever. You aren’t perfect and you never will be. You are enough. Just the way you are. Even on the days you failed or you did something you wish you didn't. You are worthy of love.
I wanted to encourage you to take that time for yourself when you need it. Go and hide somewhere and breathe. Try not to escape your mind, but work through it. Open your eyes and heart to the truth. And drink more tea.