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April 3, 2018

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Hello! My name is Carrie Usmar. I married a Brit. We have three children. We moved from the suburbs to the country. I am not a country girl but God has a way of teaching me about the country life. 


 I have depression, it never goes away and still hits me hard sometimes. I like to write about it, share my stories and hopefully help people to know they are not alone.


I've always been a freak. But I buried that part of me for a long time. Thankfully I learned I love Carrie Usmar, freakness and all.


I love to dance and lip sync and share my ridiculous videos in my instagram stories. 


I am imperfect, broken, and proud, and I'm taking it one day at a time. Thank you for being here with me.   

April 17, 2018

New growth is an important part of life, growth gives us those lessons we can share and inspire others with. Growth gives us the pieces to the puzzle of life we need in order to survive the next winter.

April 3, 2018

I looked down at my tea cup and it said Best Wife Ever. And I thought to myself wait a minute, your mind has gone in a spiral. You went from yelling at the kids, which happens sometimes to throwing yourself under a bus. Beating yourself up. Saying things to yourself you would never say to anyone out...

January 30, 2018

My story of overcoming the shame from sexual assault and addiction. How to understand what the voice of shame is and 5 tips to overcome shame.

December 8, 2017

There are times I’ve felt ashamed, afraid I am not doing enough. Not caring for you well enough. Afraid I will forget you. And I feel guilty, I don’t get to pay attention to you. I don’t remember everything you like. I didn’t get to make you your own food. I can’t make a list of exactly how you like...

December 4, 2017

My mind said, you don’t have a proper headshot, or why would anyone want to read what you have to say. I envisioned the rejection email saying, please work on your grammar or find an editor.  My writing is not fancy, it’s not full of symbols, or big words, in fact, I love a good run on sentence, an...

August 21, 2017

My experience reminded me not to assume anything about a person by looking at their photos. There is always more to their story.

July 15, 2017

I have bouts of depression. It pains me to admit that, I don’t want to believe it. But I have the kind of depression that doesn’t go away. Sometimes I plead with God why? There are periods of time I think it’s gone, life feels anchored, I am doing all the things I need to do to stay anchored. But ev...

June 21, 2017

Some days I feel like giving up, screaming why, and ignoring the truth. I had deep roots that were uncovered in a storm. I tried to forget them over the years and coped in other ways. I didn’t realize they were causing harm and effecting the roots that feed me life, anchor me, and keep me strong. I...

June 13, 2017

Why is asking for help so hard? Why is receiving help hard? Why does it feel scary? I often think of my three year old. He doesn't ever want help and if you try to help him he will scream in your face, "I do it myself." He says it with such spirit and certainty. But when he ends up needing help beca...

April 21, 2017

Left the clothes on the line for a few days. 

Story of my life.

Story of my life....... what does that even mean?

I think it's a funny saying. I say it when I feel like this stuff happens, life is messy, it never stops, and that's just life.

But part of me says it thinking yep I did it again, I l...

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