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April 3, 2018

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Hello! My name is Carrie Usmar. I married a Brit. We have three children. We moved from the suburbs to the country. I am not a country girl but God has a way of teaching me about the country life. 


 I have depression, it never goes away and still hits me hard sometimes. I like to write about it, share my stories and hopefully help people to know they are not alone.


I've always been a freak. But I buried that part of me for a long time. Thankfully I learned I love Carrie Usmar, freakness and all.


I love to dance and lip sync and share my ridiculous videos in my instagram stories. 


I am imperfect, broken, and proud, and I'm taking it one day at a time. Thank you for being here with me.   

March 15, 2018

Getting stuck and in a funk is hard. I hate it. I hate the way I treat others, I hate the way I isolate myself, I hate the person I am when depression rears its ugly head. But the beauty is in there somewhere. The peace is in there somewhere. The love is always there. I have to let all that water f...

January 30, 2018

My story of overcoming the shame from sexual assault and addiction. How to understand what the voice of shame is and 5 tips to overcome shame.

December 4, 2017

My mind said, you don’t have a proper headshot, or why would anyone want to read what you have to say. I envisioned the rejection email saying, please work on your grammar or find an editor.  My writing is not fancy, it’s not full of symbols, or big words, in fact, I love a good run on sentence, an...

November 10, 2017

It’s been a while since I've shared. I've realized my truth comes out in my words. But I have not been sure what to say.

After a lot of thought, I realized that fear anchored me. I felt dumb for letting fear have its way with me again. I know the good thoughts to tell myself, the lies aren’t tru...

August 21, 2017

My experience reminded me not to assume anything about a person by looking at their photos. There is always more to their story.

July 15, 2017

I have bouts of depression. It pains me to admit that, I don’t want to believe it. But I have the kind of depression that doesn’t go away. Sometimes I plead with God why? There are periods of time I think it’s gone, life feels anchored, I am doing all the things I need to do to stay anchored. But ev...

June 21, 2017

Some days I feel like giving up, screaming why, and ignoring the truth. I had deep roots that were uncovered in a storm. I tried to forget them over the years and coped in other ways. I didn’t realize they were causing harm and effecting the roots that feed me life, anchor me, and keep me strong. I...

June 9, 2017

It was a cloudy sunrise. It’s been a while since I walked down to the water and saw clouds with no sun in sight. Normally I wouldn’t waste my time walking down there, but I had hopes it was going to be more. As I stood there staring at the water pouring over the dam I thought wow I walked down here...

February 16, 2016


Why did I never have time to pray? I'm always too busy… I don’t know what to pray about. I don’t have anything to ask for? I'm doing good right now. Or I just feel like I can’t talk to God because I'm selfish and judgemental and just mean sometimes… One common theme about those questions, its all a...

January 4, 2016

I'm beginning month two of Hammer and Chisel. I am LOVING it. I'm not your average meal prepper. I often struggle to do it, but end up okay because I usually have eggs on hand. I eat a lot of eggs and turkey. I don't do pretty meal prep photos. I can do it. But its a lot of work to make something th...

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