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April 3, 2018

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Hello! My name is Carrie Usmar. I married a Brit. We have three children. We moved from the suburbs to the country. I am not a country girl but God has a way of teaching me about the country life. 


 I have depression, it never goes away and still hits me hard sometimes. I like to write about it, share my stories and hopefully help people to know they are not alone.


I've always been a freak. But I buried that part of me for a long time. Thankfully I learned I love Carrie Usmar, freakness and all.


I love to dance and lip sync and share my ridiculous videos in my instagram stories. 


I am imperfect, broken, and proud, and I'm taking it one day at a time. Thank you for being here with me.   

April 17, 2018

New growth is an important part of life, growth gives us those lessons we can share and inspire others with. Growth gives us the pieces to the puzzle of life we need in order to survive the next winter.

April 3, 2018

I looked down at my tea cup and it said Best Wife Ever. And I thought to myself wait a minute, your mind has gone in a spiral. You went from yelling at the kids, which happens sometimes to throwing yourself under a bus. Beating yourself up. Saying things to yourself you would never say to anyone out...

March 15, 2018

Getting stuck and in a funk is hard. I hate it. I hate the way I treat others, I hate the way I isolate myself, I hate the person I am when depression rears its ugly head. But the beauty is in there somewhere. The peace is in there somewhere. The love is always there. I have to let all that water f...

January 30, 2018

My story of overcoming the shame from sexual assault and addiction. How to understand what the voice of shame is and 5 tips to overcome shame.

July 15, 2017

I have bouts of depression. It pains me to admit that, I don’t want to believe it. But I have the kind of depression that doesn’t go away. Sometimes I plead with God why? There are periods of time I think it’s gone, life feels anchored, I am doing all the things I need to do to stay anchored. But ev...

July 9, 2017

I have trouble getting rid of everything. I've read books about letting things go, thanking them for their service or the joy they brought me and saying goodbye but I just thank them for their service and say I might need you sometime again and quickly put them back. I also avoid messy overwhelming...

June 21, 2017

Some days I feel like giving up, screaming why, and ignoring the truth. I had deep roots that were uncovered in a storm. I tried to forget them over the years and coped in other ways. I didn’t realize they were causing harm and effecting the roots that feed me life, anchor me, and keep me strong. I...

June 15, 2017

I really am blessed. All this pain and hurt and darkness I battle on a daily basis is a blessing because it brings me closer to him. I need him. I need his peace. I can’t do life alone. I tried for so long, never feeling full, never feeling the light. I tried not to feel, I tried not to see, I tried...

May 1, 2017

You’re probably wondering what is so special about this road. It’s just another picture of a road. Well it’s special to me. Firstly, I thought it would be a “normal” paved road. On google maps it looked like a regular cut through to 165, and I think I know where 165 is and how I could get home from...

April 19, 2017

You get mad sometimes, no big deal right. It happens, everyone gets mad.

If you're thinking this, you're right everyone does get mad to some degree. It’s a emotion we all experience and express in different ways.

However, when you are angry and not in control, you say things you wish you didn’t, you h...

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